Holding On
by northernirelandpixie
Summary: Sollux is fustrated about hiding his feelings around Karkat. What happens when a certain seadwelling troll overhears his confession to Feferi? Will he be able to tell Karkat about how he really feels, or is the street going to be painted a new color?


A/n: I DO NOT OWN HOMESTUCK

Holding On

You're walking down a street in a relatively quiet neighborhood with the second matesprite you have had in your shitty miserable life completely unaware of the shadowy figure following you two. Well, you knew that they were there, but you were more focused on not having Feferi finding out the horrible truth about your feelings. The horrible truth being that you actually weren't flushed for her, but rather someone else. That someone else ended up being oblivious fucking Karkat Vantas, and you had the unfortunate fate of being 'best friends' with the clueless fucker when you felt so much more than that for him. Your name is fucking Sollux Captor, and you are stuck in the damn, gog-forsaken 'friend-zone'. Nothing pissed you off more than one simple fact which happened to be about said troll. That one fact was that Karkat was adamant in believing that no troll would ever feel anything worthy of a quadrant for him, when you in fact were flushed a bright red for the douche-bag. Your brows furrow slightly in irritation at the simple thought of your situation.

== Sollux: Realize Feferi is asking you something.

Well no shit Sherlock. Nice way to state the fucking obvious Captain Oblivious. You tune back in just in time to get poked in the face. She knows something is wrong, and is asking you to tell her. Seems you also let a scowl take over you face as well. You sigh in defeat as you decide to finally to spill everything to her. You figure it was a little unfair to keep this from her any longer when she can clearly tell that something is wrong. However, only after she painfully pinches you causing you to yelp out in pain, do you actually go through with your decision to tell her.

== Sollux: Be the insistent matesprite.

Your name is now Feferi Peixes, and you've actually known for quite awhile now that your matesprite wasn't flushed for you. However you're pretty sure you know who it really is. That one special little troll that he is actually flushed for. It isn't hard to figure out being as he was practically obsessed with grumbling about a specific Mr. Grumpy Gills. He's almost always complaining about how ridiculous Karkat is being, and how oblivious he is. Sure, it hurt at first to know that he didn't feel the same for you, and initially hadn't the entire time. You just eventually got used to knowing that his feelings never belonged to you though. Right now Sollux has a frown set on his face, and his brows are furrowed in obvious irritation. You've been watching as it slowly developed while you were talking. You instantly know when his mind when his mind wanders, and he begins thinking about Karkat the minute his scowl begins to form. You also know he thinks you don't notice, but it's kinda hard not to notice. Especially not hard to notice when you're talking about something as highly opinionated as what the term 'culling' should really mean.

== Feferi: Get distracted troll to spill.

Easily done as you poke him in the face to regain his attention. You have had enough of him just blankly staring at you with a rather distant look in his eyes not even seeing you.  
"Oh for GLUBS sake! Sollux, tell me what's wrong." You urge him to spill once he blinks at you. His eyes have become less distant, and he seems to be paying attention once more. You get a defeated sigh as a response, but he only completely spills the beans after you give a rather painful pinch causing him to yelp in pain.

== Feferi: Be the unlucky stupid piece of shit.

You will easily admit that you have had some very shitty moments in your past that made you feel extremely unlucky, and have also made some rather stupid decisions as well, but you are NOT a piece of troll excrement. You once again are Sollux, and although you're not a steaming pile of troll excrement as mentioned earlier, you definitely feel like it as you come clean to your matesprite telling her EVERYTHING.

== Sollux: Finish rant.

"It'th jutht tho unfair Ff! I'm fluthed like crazy for the douthe-bag, but he'th to thtupid to realithe or even notithe it!" You shout carelessly, forgetting completely about the lurking figure behind you two.  
"Him being who Sollux?" She asks non-too-innocently.  
"Thtupid fucking Karkat Vantath..." You hiss full of rage and anger.  
"It'th jutht not fucking fair." You just barely whisper looking towards her. Her gray eyes seem to search your own heterochromatic ones before she speaks once more giving her own sigh of defeat.  
"All right Sollux, I'll he-" She doesn't get a chance to finish as she's very suddenly, and rather rudely interrupted by that mysterious figure that had been lurking behind you two.

== Sollux: Be the mysterious figure a couple moments before the interruption.

You become that mysterious figure just a few moments before Feferi is interrupted. Your name is now Eridan fucking Ampora, and you're not stalking anyone. You're just waiting for the perfect moment to conduct your very well thought-out plan of revenge, which wasn't shitty at all despite what the others thought. That low-blood is going to fucking pay for taking Feferi away from you. You were even doing a great job at following them unnoticed, at least in your opinion you were. That piss-blood Sollux has fucked with the wrong sea-dweller, and you intend on putting him in his place for good once and for all. You can't help it as you listen in as Sollux is pushed by Feferi into telling her what's wrong. You hear him tell her that he's sorry that he wasn't ever really flushed for her, but rather someone else and goes on a mini-rant. Your blood boils as you overhear Sollux's sudden outburst while that wretched piss-blood confesses the truth to your Feferi. Yes your Feferi, you saw her first, and he wasn't going to fucking have her. It's then that you have suddenly realized he had never loved her to begin with and, he had put you through hell for no reason. You explode in rage, deciding 'Fuck it, I'm not waitin. That bastard is payin NOW. Waitin is ovverrated anywway'

== Eridan: Completely flip your shit.

You do exactly that as you can't stand to stay quiet anymore, and interrupt Feferi as she begins to speak after that stupid inferior piss-blood troll had finished with his rant.  
"Noww hold on one motherfuckin minute! You became her matesprite, took her away from me, and you're not evven flushed for the girl? You fuckin BASTARD!"

== Eridan: Become the highly pissed off mertrollmaid princess with legs.

You are Feferi once again, and boy are you a flurry of emotions. The main two emotions right now being shock, and anger. You're shocked because 'When did Eridan even get here?', and angry because he just fucking interrupted you.  
"What the hell ERIDAN?! What is your glubbing problem?! I SWEAR! You're such a glubbing pain in the fin!" You have half a mind hit him with your 2x3dent, but don't even have time to pull it out of you strife specibus. Your eyes widen as he raises his wand at Sollux with the obvious intent of killing him. Sollux, who was clearly trying to gather his bearings due to Eridan's sudden interruption, didn't even appear to notice the threat, and wasn't moving.

== Feferi: Save the frozen Gemini troll.

You do just that, and shove Sollux down. You can only hope that he at least gets a chance to tell Karkat of his feelings as you are hit with the blast that was emitted from Eridan's wand, your vision going completely black.

== Feferi: Be accused bastard.

At the last minute you become Sollux, and simply stare shocked at Eridan's sudden appearance. You're so stunned that you barely even notice his stupid 'science' wand being raised, or the fact that yet another troll was coming along from the side street bisecting the one you three were currently standing on. All your brain can register is Feferi suddenly pushing you down, sending your bi-colored shades flying as Eridan fires his wand at the two of you. You can only watch as the white blast hits her square in the chest sending her flying, and killing her on impact.

== Sollux: Flip the fuck out at the other troll.

That can be easily arranged as he had just killed Feferi when that wasn't needed. Instead of trying to exact shitty revenge, he should have opened his eyes, and tried to win her back, or move on. The problem here is that Eridan let jealousy blind him so easily since the girl he loved so dearly chose you over him. the fact that you were a land-dweller, and of lower blood color not only made it worse, it also served drive him into insanity as he watched her spend more, and more time with you. Whenever she went to spend some time with him he did nothing but complain about everything ten times worse than usual. He even started to follow her when she went to see you. It got so bad that Feferi had to end their moirallegiance as he wouldn't leave her alone once she became your matesprite.  
"FEFERI!" You scream out to her, but you know she can't hear you anymore. She's gone, she sacrificed herself for you to live. Why she did that exactly, you don't even know. Nor can you even comprehend her reasoning for doing such a thing. Her tyrian purple blood is already pooling around her. You turn to her killer enraged.  
"Why the hell would you do thuch a thing?!" You shout at him getting to your feet.  
"You used her! You sickening loww-blood! You nevver lovved her!" He hisses at you seemingly refusing to answer your question.  
"And you just FUCKING KILLED HER! Dumbathth!" You spat back enraged. He once again seems to ignore what you say.  
"You fucking lovve that-that ugh!" Your blood freezes at these words. He had heard everything, all of it, your entire rant. He fired attempting to kill you not even caring whether he hit Feferi, or not. That settled it he was dieing today, and you decided that you would be the one to make sure that it was you who killed him.

== Sollux: Suddenly become the mysterious troll mentioned not too long ago.

The only thing mysterious about you is your blood color. You were the only one who knew its color. Well you, and your lusus as you both share in the unique shade of blood. Your name is Karkat Vantas, and you've been sulking about your quadrants. That, and your inability to just tell that one troll that you are flushed for about your red feelings for them. No matter how many times you came close to telling them, you always fucked up somehow. That, or you just panic the fuck out, and instead flip out yelling at him for some absurd thing. You hum, and click in slight amusement at the fact that although you have helped almost all your friends with their quadrant troubles, and despite the fact that you are the rom-com king, proudly crowned that by the very same troll that you're flushed for, you suck at your own relationships. Everyone else thought that you were so angry all the time because even though you had helped them so easily with their matespritships, you had problems with your own matesprite quadrant, and they were partially correct about that, PARTIALLY. This alone wasn't what made you angry practically ninety-nine percent of the time. Nooo, not at all, what pissed you off so much was the fact that the universe just loved to screw you, Karkat Vantas, over.

== Karkat: Remind yourself exactly why you can't confess.

You do this every time you come close to wanting to confess to him, and right now was no different. Besides the fact that you just couldn't reveal your feelings to said troll because you way were too prideful, and feared that they might actually reject you. There was also the huge fact that said troll had a matesprite already. That, to your knowledge, he was really flushed for. Not that you ever asked, you wouldn't be caught dead willingly asking someone about their relationship unless they brought it up first let alone the troll you are extremely flushed for. Being that he rarely complained about her, you just assumed everything was all right. Not only that, the troll that you had such red feelings for, which made hanging out with him extremely frustrating at times, and at other times completely blissful, was none other than your close friend Sollux Captor. You feared that confessing now would not only wreck your friendship with the other troll, but cause you to lose him being apart of your life permanently. Something that you just couldn't bear happening. You were also certain that NO troll on Alternia, including Sollux, would ever have such feelings for you. Be it feelings for a matespritship, a kismesissitude, or an auspisticism. All you had was Gamzee Makara, who filled your moirallegiance quadrant, which you at one point believed would also never be filled. You were under the distinct impression that although Gamzee filled that one quadrant, you would always be alone. You were the mutant after all, not that anyone knew, not even your moirail.

== Karkat: Keep moping about your stupid quadrants.

You intend to do just that, and keep walking with your head down not really paying any mind as to where your feet took you. Suddenly a burst of white startles you out of your depression just in time to witness Sollux get shoved down by his matesprite, Feferi, and in turn watch as she gets blasted by Eridan's wand which had been obviously pointed at Sollux in an attempt to kill said troll.  
"What the grub-fucking hell is going on?!" You blurt mostly to yourself still unnoticed by the two figures.

== Karkat: Overhear conversation between the two trolls.

You stand utterly still as their conversation slowly drifts to your ears, and you try to absorb what was being said. 'Wait a minute Sollux...isn't flushed for Feferi, but rather for someone else? ..But I thought... but he became her...' is all your brain is able to process at the moment, and even then your brain was on the verge of a meltdown. What they were saying just made no sense at all to you. You stand frozen watching as Sollux fires his psionic beams, his glasses having long fallen off when he was shoved. As the battle progresses Eridan makes a rather clever, yet sneaky move as he shoots two times estimating where Sollux would dodge to in order to avoid the first blast. Sollux does exactly what Eridan was hoping for, and puts himself in range for the second shot. It could be easily dodged, but it hid yet another blast that you just knew Sollux wouldn't be able to dodge, and would certainly end up getting killed by it.

== Karkat: Take a moment to be horrified.

You refuse to do such a thing as you have no intention of watching such a horrifying, and disturbing event to take place in front of you. You absolutely refuse to let it happen.

== Karkat: Save that stupid troll.

That's exactly what you planned to do as you charge forward to push Sollux aside. You feel your body connect with his shoving him aside hard, nothing, then suddenly all you can feel is a burning, searing pain as you take a hit that was supposed to have essentially killed him. You are in so much pain that everything goes white, and black spots dance across your vision for a period of time. Your entire body suddenly becomes unable to hold itself up any longer, and collapses on itself.

== Karkat : Become the saved troll.

Once again you are Sollux, and once again you find yourself face first on the ground. How you once again ended up there exactly is extremely hazy as it happened so fast. You try to swallow a rather large lump that had suddenly developed in your throat as the smoke, and the dust very slowly clear from the spot you had just been standing in.

== Sollux: Attempt to recall what just happened.

You do just that as the dust settles, and the smoke from the blast clear away. You try to quickly replay what had just happened inside your head. You remember making a rather stupid, and predictable move, and ended up being faced with a rather huge matter ball coming your way. Although, from your vantage point, you were pretty sure you could have avoided it, so you don't exactly know why you had been shoved aside. You feel bile rising as you suddenly remember that the figure that ran at you from the side, and shoved you down was rather short. You knew there were only two trolls that short on Alternia. One those two trolls being one of your close friends, Terezi Pyrope, a blind troll who has a thing for law, and role-playing as well as scalemates, which were plush dragons that she collects. The other being the very same troll that you were flushed for that had also managed to get himself so far under your damn gray skin, Karkat.

== Sollux: Try, and figure out the probability that it was Karkat that shoved you.

You're trying to, but you can't help desperately hoping it wasn't Karkat. However, something tells you that it's an extremely futile attempt as there is no way it was Terezi being as she is blind, and has next to no way of knowing if you were in enough danger to even push you. She also isn't strong enough to shove you away to the sidelines so hard. As the smoke, and dust finally settle your worst fears become reality as your visual receptive nerves are met with a rather gory sight. Karkat's tiny recognizable figure had collapsed on itself face first, and his wounds were bleeding profusely. His blood, which splattered the area around him contrasting with Feferi's tyrian purple, was a mutant candy red. In a different situation you would think it was the most beautiful shade of that color, but not right now, not when it was oozing slowly out of Karkat. You watch in horror as a puddle of his candy red blood begins to slowly form beneath his small, fragile body. Eridan had long since run off after catching sight of Karkat charging at you.

== Sollux: Rush to the dying trolls side.

"Oh my gog! No! Pleathe no! NonononononononononoNO! Kk!" You feel your heart skip a beat as your body, in its rush to get to Karkat's own rather limp looking one, stumbles trying to get to him. You end up crawling the rest of the way as your legs refuse to hold you up. Despite this you still hurry as fast as you possibly can to him hoping he's still alive. You're shaking frantically as you gently scoop his bloody, and wounded body into your shaking arms. You're desperately choking back sobs that threaten to spill from your vocal passage as you turn his form in your arms, and find that he was still breathing. His gray orbs still held a bit of life in them. Life that was slowly seeping out from his wounds, and onto the ground beneath the two of you forming a bright red puddle of his blood.

== Sollux: Question the dying troll about his apparently absent sanity, as well as what the hell he was thinking.

That can be easily done as you completely flip out at him for doing something so idiotic.  
"Why the fucking hell would you do thomething tho thtupid Kk?! Why in the name of Alternia did you jump in, and protect me like that when I would have been perfectly fine?! What the fucking hell were you thinking in that think-pan of yourth you ignorant douthe?!" You practically shriek at him through your quickly developing tears. You hear his gruff voice weakly rasp back his answer while he coughs up some of his abnormal blood. Which runs a bright red trail down his chin as he wheezes trying to breath past the blood still coming up  
"No you...wouldn't have been...fine Captor you douche-bag...*coughcoughcough*...you know that as...*wheeze*...as fucking well as I do asshole...and on the matter of...what the hell I had...*coughcoughcough*...had been fucking thinking...I was thinking that...I didn't want to...fucking watch...you die you idiotic dumb-fuck...*coughcoughcoughgaspwheeze*...shit...m an...it fucking hurts like hell...I really didn't think...it would hurt this much...*coughcough*...kinda hoped it would be quick...and...painless...heh...guess even there...*wheeze*...I'm abnormal..." Karkat chuckles lightly. He winces immediately in the amount of pain that the simple action causes, and the amount of blood he's forced to hack up from a series of violent coughs that bombard, and wrack through his tiny body. His time was dwindling fast, and you knew it, but you just couldn't bear to acknowledge the horrid truth. You could feel his blood slowly seeping into your clothing. You're an absolute wreck as once again you're force to just watch unable to do anything as the one troll that you cared for more than anyone else on Alternia dies in your arms. It was worse than the incident with Aradia, you could have prevented this, no one was controlling your mind this time. You finally just can't stop the tears that spill forth from your heterochromatic eyes, as any hope of him surviving was bleeding out, just like he was. Your heart was cracking as time slowly passed, and he slowly grew even more pale, and even more weak in your shaking arms. You hide your tear-stained face in his messy black locks. You cease fighting the sobs that threatened wreak havoc on your thin frame as you hold him close.

== Sollux: Take another look at the dying troll.

Against your better judgment you look back down at his face, and saw that his eyes had grown a little glassy. You begin to panic, your heart racing, and the tears come even faster than before leaving little trails of translucent yellow on your cheeks that run down to your past your chin, and drip Into his face.  
"Hang on Kk, pleathe. Pleathepleathepleathe hang on, you can't die...you-you can't, you can't die, not now, DON'T YOU DARE DIE FUCKATHTH" You beg him to hang on for awhile longer. You weren't quite so ready to have him leave you permanently so soon. You've been reduced to a grossly sobbing mass of tears as you can only sit there, and hold a fading Karkat in your arms. Although he seems to be putting up a fight to hold on now. You could just barely make out the faint distant sounds of sirens heading your way. Although they sound really far from where you two were, you don't care. You just gladly cling to that little sliver of hope given to you that he might be saved, he might be okay, which makes the tears lessen. The puddle of blood beneath you two is still relatively small, but it's slowly, and steadily growing in size as he just keeps bleeding. You know his vascular muscle is trying as hard as possible to keep blood flowing through his body that is growing colder rapidly. You can only hope that those sirens will make it to you two in time.

== Sollux: Try to reassure the other troll.

You try to stay positive, and reassure him. Although you know you're mostly just trying to reassure yourself by mumbling in his hair. Your arms still hold his dieing body close to your own refusing to let him go.  
"Hang on Kk, pleathe? Jutht hang on a little longer Kk...help ith on it'th way Kk hang on...you're going to be fine, everything is going to be okay...you're fine, stay awake, pleathe...stay with me" You keep mumbling slightly rocking both of choke out more sobs because you know you don't quite believe even half of what you're saying.

== Sollux: Become the troll getting showered with yellow tears.

You're once again Karkat, and your entire body is hurting inside, and out. Your vascular muscle is aching not only from fighting to keep blood pumping despite how much you've bled already, but also because of how distraught Sollux looks in that moment. He can do nothing, but watch as you die in his arms as he holds you close. You give a small grimace as you notice he's covered in mutant candy red, your blood. You try to take care to not move too much as you cough up more of you mutant blood when you do, and it hurts like hell as well. You can feel the exhaustion creep upon your body from the amount of effort expended just to stay conscious. Leaving you stuck in a fight with your body to keep your eyes open. You know very well that if you shut them now, even for a few minutes, you would never open them again. You suddenly feel fear grip you hard as a sudden thought crosses your mind.'What if there is nothing for me after I die? What if it's all just empty nothingness, and I never get to see Sollux again?!' You begin to panic internally as you let that train of thought continue.  
Bright red tears begin to brim your eyes at the mere thought of never getting to see Sollux again. Never creating shitty codes, and having him laugh at your pitiful attempts ever again. No more asking him to fix your husk top after he crashes it with a rather complex code for a nasty virus that you would never be able to solve, and fix on your own. When you slowly begin to realize that you would never be able to make new memories, or new high scores in your favorite games, new, and old ones, or go see new movies together, or watch repeats of old favorites ever again, one of those bright red tears betrays you, and breaks free to slide across your cheek leaving behind an iridescent trail as proof of its journey across your face.

== Karkat: Admit your feelings before you run completely out of time.

"Sollux...look at me, please?" You manage to rasp out begging for him to look at you. You realize with regret that you never said please when asking him for something. This would probably be the first, and most likely last times he would ever hear you say it, as well as hear you call him by his first name in a manner that wasn't rude, or bossy, just pleading. You panic slightly as your vision starts to slowly darken around the edges. You were losing blood faster than you originally thought, and your time was going to run out fairly soon from what you could tell. You hoped you would have at least enough time to say what needed to be said soon, or you would never get the chance again. You faintly hear the sirens Sollux had mentioned earlier, but you know it's all too late, or at least it will be soon, and they won't make it in time. You'll be dead, and gone by the time they finally get to you. You were certain of that.  
You patiently wait as Sollux does as you ask, his eyes still slightly puffy, and red from all his crying. You always thought his heterochromatic eyes were beautiful, and this moment right now was no exception to that. Sollux is quietly stroking your blood matted hair from your face as his eyes connect with your own, and he patiently waits for you to continue. He gives little sniffles now, and then as he waits. You feel flushed for this troll, you feel so red for him so much it hurts to know that soon, you won't be around anymore to feel flushed, and feel red for him endlessly. You had been scared earlier, but now, with his eyes on you, you didn't feel so frightened of dieing anymore. You were completely calm, and peaceful with the idea. As long as he was the last thing you saw when your eyes closed shut forever, you were fine with it. You hesitate only a moment before you finally speak again.  
"Sollux..listen..I...I don't,,, I don't have much longer left.." You painfully wheeze out, breathing becoming a more difficult of a task for you. You have accepted your fate, being as you were dieing having protecting the one you were flushed for. Sollux, however, doesn't seem happy about your decision to accept what was happening as yellow tears started to fall once again streaking across his angled face.  
"Kk!? Pleathe! Don't thay thuch thingth! You're going to be jutht fine!...Jutht thtay thtrong, pleathe, help'th coming. You jutht have to hang on" He manages to choke out before another sob escapes. He knows what you're saying is true, even though he doesn't like it. You both know would happen to you in the end, those sirens were still just to far to make a difference.

== Karkat: Shut him up so you can finish before you run out of time.

"Captor!" You manage to shout interrupting him, and effectively shut him up by also reaching to one of the hands that held you, and dig your claws in when he didn't shut up. You didn't want to, but it couldn't necessarily be helped as he was on the verge of a freak out episode again. You withdraw your claws from the damaged skin, and just rest your hand on his.  
"There's.. something I've been meaning to tell you for...well...quite awhile now. I wanted to tell you before...before I..." You fall silent as you felt yourself get a little emotional, and your voice, and lip quivered. Yet another thing you never did around him while you were in his presence.  
"Kk! Thtop talking like that" He cuts you off once again, and you can't help but glare at him as he isn't making this any easier for you to say.  
"Shoosh you...listen I...I've...felt red for you for...for quite some time, I...I just never said anything...because you were with Aradia...then Aradia died. When I was just about to tell you...you went and became Feferi's matesprite...I became scared...that if I ever said anything about it or told you...I would lose you...and I just couldn't bear that thought...so I kept quiet, and suffered...I just watched you from a distance...I kept thinking to myself that if you were...happy...with the way things were...then I could be too...for you."

== Karkat: Become the shocked Gemini troll.

Easily done, you once again become Sollux. Right now you couldn't believe what you were hearing come from the tiny cancer troll that you held in your arms. He was flushed, For YOU of all trolls. He had felt the same for you as you did for him the entire time, and he here he was dieing in your arms. Your entire world is falling apart around you as you pull him carefully closer into a hug while more tears broke free, and rolled down your face even more rapidly than before to join their predecessors. You manage to stutter through the multiple silent sobs that were wreaking havoc on your frame. Your lungs were aching from crying more than you ever have in your short existence.

== Sollux: Try to confess through all the sobs.

You plan on attempting to. You know you can't let him go anywhere without at least knowing you feel the same.  
"I...I've felt the thame for you Kk, I...I jutht ne-never thought...th-that you would ever fe-feel the th-thame tho I thaid nothing"  
"R-really?!...But...I thought?...What about Feferi...and Aradia?" He asks suddenly. You manage to calm down just enough so that you don't stutter as you explain.

== Sollux: Clear Karkat's confusion up.

"I was confuthed about my feelingth for Aradia. I thought it would work thince we both had pthychic abilitieth, but it didn't. About what really went on with Ff? Well, I jutht didn't have the heart to turn the girl down. I told her before thhe wath killed. Eridan overheard us talking, and went apethit crathy, and attacked me, only to end up hitting her inthtead. I think thhe already knew though. I thought you would jutht laugh so.. I jutht kept quiet about it the entire time" You admitted embarrassed. Your cheeks flush a bright yellow. He gapes at you for a moment before finally saying something.  
"My gog...we...we both were so fucking stupid weren't we?" He asks barely above a whisper, his voice cracking from the strain it took to speak.

==Sollux: Realize how stupid you were for letting your fears control you.

What are you even talking about? You had realized that after Karkat had confessed to you.  
"Heh, yeah. We were very thtupid. Tho very very thtupid to not tell each other." You hum in agreement as you leaned down, and affectionately nuzzle his cold cheek causing him to blush a barely noticeable pink due to how little blood he had left. You then leaned over more connect his equally as cold, almost clammy lips with your own warmer ones. You feel your entire body hum happily. In that one chaste kiss you know it's all over for him, he won't make it. Your hope is shot, and killed in that one fairly intimate moment that you two share. You try not to cry as you pull away gently from the soft kiss to see that his eyes had gone almost completely glassy. You know that he's lost too much blood already, if he did survive, due to some big inexplicable miracle, he would be stuck in a coma. One that he likely wouldn't ever wake from.  
His eyes would remain shut in a silent sleep. You would never get to witness those gray eyes fill to a gorgeous candy red as the sweeps pass, and he matures into an adult troll. You don't bother to fight the tears that silently slide down your face anymore. You realize you'd never tease him again, never kiss him again, never be able to hold that smaller body against you're own when comforting him. The thought of that just kills. You hurt even more inside as you come to also realize you would never get to hear him flip out at you for the stupidest things ever again. Almost as though he read your mind Karkat speaks up again.  
"Sollux I...I'm sorry..." His voice quivers, and is almost barely above a whisper. You look down at him shocked.  
"Thorry? Thorry for what?" You question, not really used to hearing Karkat apologize for anything he did.  
''For...for always flipping out at you about the stupidest, and smallest things you did...for not having gathered...the courage sooner to...to tell you before something like this happened..." He looks up at you from where you're holding him. The faint hint of a blush on his cheeks gone as he looks at you with a slightly apologetic look.

== Sollux: Assure Karkat he has nothing to be sorry for.

You couldn't believe what you were hearing. You close your eyes briefly as you shake your head dismissively before you look at him again.  
"There'th no reathon for you to be thorry Kk. I could have gathered the courage ath well, but I wath too thcared to. Also I always thought that you were really cute when angry, which ith why I did thothe tiny abthurdly thtupid thingth all the time. I did them jutht so I could get a chanthe to thee your adorable angry fathe" You say in return. You know he has no reason to apologize since you both were at fault here. His cheeks turn to a barely noticeable pink again at the compliment. You can hear the sirens even clearer as they are so close now, they've almost reached you. However, you know it won't make any difference. You can see as well as feel it as Karkats life is slowly slipping away just out of your reach. You still try try vainly to keep him from leaving you alone with nothing but an empty shell of himself. You try to swallow back down the lump in your throat.

== Sollux: Beg for the other troll to hold out a little longer one last time.

You know it won't stop anything but you still do it anyway.  
"Kk...hang on a little longer...for me...please...just a little longer" You beg knowing that nothing you do now will make any difference anymore. He weakly reaches up to caress your cheek with his fairly cold, and clammy hand. The simple action taking a lot of obvious effort from him to accomplish. He wipes away a couple stray tears on your cheek in a last attempt to comfort you.  
"I...I'll try. He-hey Sollux? I-is it okay if...if I shut my eyes? Just for a little while?" He asks hesitantly. His exhaustion is clearly evident in his barely there voice that you now have to strain just to hear him. You know if he does shut his eyes, he won't ever open them again.

== Sollux: It's his time. Let other troll go finally.

You manage to bite back a sob as you manage a small sad smile for him. You take one last look at weary his gray eyes before nodding in consent. He's fought long enough, there's no need for him to hold out any longer. He doesn't have to suffer for you anymore.  
"Go ahead, I'll still be here when you wake up Karkat" You insure him. You try to burn the way he looks, as well as the way his voice sounds into your memory so you never forget him  
"Hey...Sollux?" He asks looking up at you.  
"Yeah Kk?"You listen intently.  
"...I love you..." He finally says after just staring up at you for some time. A single solitary tear slide down your cheek as you nod.  
"I know, I love you too Karkat" You reply leaning down to kiss his forehead gently.

== Sollux: watch as the love of your life slips away.

You hold him close, and watch sadly as he gives you one last smile while he softly caresses your cheek. Something you had seen so sparingly in your time with him. That smile slowly fades to a smaller, more peaceful one as you watch him go. His now fully glassy eyes flutter shut, and he expels his last breathe whispering 'I'll always love you' as he leaves you. He is finally able to rest after fighting a long, and exhausting battle to hang on. The hand that was caressing your face during those last few moments goes still, and falls limply to his body which held barely any sign that he was still alive. You're unable to hold back the tears anymore, and you let them freely cascade down your face as the ambulance finally reaches the three of you, Karkat, Feferi, and yourself. You lean down and kiss his forehead once again mouthing 'I'll always love you too, Kk' against his cold skin.  
"Hey Karkat, guess what? Help finally came." You finally whisper with a sad smile still dancing on your lips. You watch as two EMTs take a body bag, and zip Feferi's cold body within it to take to the morgue. You mentally send an apology to her as well as thank her for giving you the chance to tell Karkat how you felt. You never meant for her to get caught in this, you never wanted her to die. Two other EMTs are scrambling to get past the debris left from the fight to Karkat and yourself. They get him on the stretcher, and get him inside the ambulance quickly. They allow you to board as well being as you refused to be separated from him just yet.

== Sollux: Arrive at the hospital.

When you reach the hospital, however, you're left to your sorrow, and despair in the quiet waiting room as he is rushed to Intense Care. Eventually a couple of your friends showed up. Terezi, and Nepeta, a very close friend of Terezi's, were huddled together bawling on the ground. Gamzee came shortly after carrying your glasses, and you gratefully took them. You both said nothing since there wasn't really anything that need to be said. Gamzee had known from the start how you felt towards Karkat, and had also known how Karkat felt about you. He gave you a simple nod with a rather serious face, something Gamzee wasn't known for, before he turned to try and calm the two wailing girls down some.  
Equius, Nepeta's moirail, showed up as well. He attempted to assist Gamzee with quieting Terezi, and Nepeta, and eventually got them to quiet some. Kanaya came over to try to console you as best as she possibly could. As she did, you could also feel Aradia try to comfort you from the other side. However, you don't say anything, nor do you look at Kanaya. You just stared down at the candy red blood that stained your jeans, Karkat's blood. You could still faintly feel Karkat's lips upon your own, his hand on your cheek. It was almost as if he never left your arms, and you partially wish he hadn't.  
Tavros eventually rolls in on his wheelchair, and attempts to get some news from a nurse that he is rather good friends with. Vriska stands off to the side kind of away from everybody. At first you had assumed that she came to cackle at Karkat's state, but found that she was there more or less because she knew Kanaya would be. So she showed up as to support Kanaya, who treated Karkat as if he were her son. In fact it seemed as though she looked to be on the verge of hunting Eridan down for causing Kanaya, as well as everyone else, so much unneeded grief.

== Sollux wallow in grief as you wait for someone to give you news on your beloved cancer troll.

You do just that, and simply sit there. Quiet as ever and refusing to look at any of the other trolls there. When a doctor finally emerges from Intense Care, he calls for the group that is in the room for Karkat, and you all stand. Everyone surrounds you from behind as you all collectively walk to him. Gamzee is the closest behind you. Nepeta, and Terezi occasionally sniffling. He looks at the rather large group for a moment before continuing, and addressing you all. Before he begins to talk he motions you all to follow him down the corridor he had just come from. Vriska, and Equius stay behind in favor of hunting down Eridan's whereabouts. You all stop in front of a room, before he opens the door he turns to your group.  
"Well...might...I...first ask if..he by any chance has a matesprite, or a special other of sorts in this group?"  
"Well, I'm his motherfuckin moirail, and"Gamzee speaks up, ignoring the look from the doctor looks at you as he figures something major occurred between you two as you look like a complete wreck.

== Sollux: speak up so he can finally tell you

You finally decide to speak up after that. Your voice cracks a bit due to the news you'd be receiving soon. your heart stops when he opens and you take a step in before you stop in the there on a hospital bed hooked up to countless machines which told you that he  
"Well.. we hadn't made it official yet, but...we had both confessed...shortly...before he... before he fell unconscious" Your eyes well up for the hundredth time today.  
"He must care about you very much. Not only did he take a powerful hit, but he managed to remain conscious as long as he did while you were with him. Despite losing so much blood he was barely hanging on, but he was there still when he was brought into the ICU. We've managed to finally stabilize him" He stops obviously hesitant to continue. You pretty sure what he's trying to find the words to use.  
"I have a feeling you're about to say but here?" You offer plainly, and he nods.  
"There is a but here. That but being, he's in a fairly deep comatose state, due to the amount of blood he's lost. We can't give a definite answer on when, or even if he could wake up, the chances are very slim." He concludes before leaving your group to console you. You once again break down into a fit of tears, and crumple to the ground. Gamzee crouches by you, and wordlessly pulls you into a hug. you cling to him, and wail your fragile heart out as he rubs soothing circles on your back. You vaguely notice as Kanaya, Terezi, and Nepeta join in the hug. Tavros puts a comforting hand on you shaking shoulders which you are very thankful for. You don't give a flying fuck anymore about what the others thought of you. You were content to cry your soul, and heart out right there in front of them. You were so happy that Karkat was alive, ALIVE, and he was still hanging on just for you. The fact that he could still be taken from you though scares you. You know you won't make it if you lose him again, you'll fall completely apart. You know instantly while you hiccup after finally calming down that it is your turn now to do what he had done. You would stay by his bedside constantly. You would wait patiently for him to wake up. Even if he never did wake up again, he'd always have you. You would do it for him, and for the love you shared. There is one thing you just have to do.  
You just have to hang on.

A/n:

i hope you're happy now, cuz my shoulders are sore from how much stress i felt trying to finish this, dunno why you want a sadstuck, well, semi, but its still really sad TAT i lost some valuable sleeping time as well, so enjoy, a semi sad!stuck Solkat, if you do not LIKE maleXmale, then kindly leave, as there are others that wish to enjoy this work, if you don't like solkat then oh well, go somewhere else then as they are one of my OTP's and im not forcing you to read it, i think i edited this like 50 times OAO if i missed something please send me a note containing the passage where there is an error, WARNING, this is AU, with a bit of canon inside, i apologize ahead of time to any eridan fans as well as aradia/sollux, or feferi/sollux fans, sacrfices had to be made  
ALSO I DON'T OWN HOMESTUCK characters


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